When the Sun Stops Shining
by fatedcircle26
Summary: I can't remember the first time we met, maybe because it wasn't special. It wasn't extraordinary. It wasn't the kind of cheesy romantic meeting one tells her friends proudly. It was just two worlds colliding in the most mundane of things. Yet, as ordinary as it was, what we've built, what we've become, it was special.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Author's note: I'm not a writer. I just wanted to get this out of my head. This does not follow the Glee storyline. This is Quinn's POV.

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings."  
- Anaïs Nin

I can't remember the first time we met, maybe because it wasn't special.  
It wasn't extraordinary. It wasn't the kind of cheesy romantic meeting one tells her friends proudly. It was just two worlds colliding in the most mundane of things. Yet, as ordinary as it was, what we've built, what we've become, it was special.

The first time I thought that you are special was when you showed me your dorkiest dance in the middle of the street.  
We were at our fourth or fifth date and you've just proven me your skills by  
shooting your empty cup to the trash can four feet away from us.  
"I told you I could do it. WHOOOO! Who's the man? I'm the man. Yeah!"  
You were ecstatic, whooping like a child, being loud, unembarrassed and adorable.  
"God, stop, tone it down will you? You're embarrassing." But I was more amused than embarrassed.  
"You're ashamed of me?!"  
Then you started shuffling your feet and extending your arms like a chicken.  
I was doubling with laughter, tears streaking down my face.  
I just witnessed the quirkiest yet the most adorable dance known to man.  
You were earning looks from people walking down the street. But you didn't care cause you didn't stop dancing and you were looking at me, only me.  
I know you're a good dancer, I've seen you dance and mesmerize people with your moves.  
"You're such a dork." I couldn't keep the smile off my face as I said this.  
The fact that you're showing me your silly self just to make me laugh made something settle in my chest. Affection.

-  
It didn't take us long to stay with each other and forget about the other people we were seeing. One day, we just decided that it's better with just you and me, and nobody else.  
"Hello, I'll bring you lunch later. You better be free." It's so typical of you to call at 5 in the morning with demands. And straight to the point.  
"Good morning to you too, bossy. And you couldn't even wait for the sun to properly rise before calling me and demanding me something?" I was never a morning person. I just hate waking up earlier than needed.  
"Well I woke up and had the idea, the reasonable thing to do is tell you. So stop whining and just be glad that I graced you with my beautiful voice this early in the morning. Some people are dying just to hear me sighing." You're ego never fails to amuse me.  
"Wow, how you even manage to get up with that big head of yours is a mystery to me." I said laughing. "Anyway, didn't we just had dinner the other night?"  
"You're point being?"  
"well, seeing you twice a week is a record. I mean there's Lisa, Anna, Jade and the list goes on, who you could have lunch with." It wasn't an issue for us that we aren't exclusive at that point. We both know we're seeing different people and it was fine with us. We enjoy each other, no complications.  
"Well, I asked YOU didn't I? So it doesn't matter if I have a list." You said it nonchalantly but in two months that I've known you, you were subtly telling me that it was me you wanted, only me.  
"Okay, so are you burning that list?" This is how we express ourselves, always light.  
"I'm not an arsonist so no, I'll just probably dump it in my backyard. That good enough for you?" I smiled. Suddenly, I'm not bothered anymore that I was woken up earlier than I normally would. Cause at that moment, you were enough. More than enough.

-  
I'm stubborn, I have too much pride. I rarely show emotions. You even told me once, I'm an Ice Queen. As much as you're drawn to my aloof persona, you sometimes hate how it distances me from you.

I've had three relationships and all of those crumbled just because I couldn't accept the concept of forever. The concept of falling hard. It's not like I didn't love them. Just not that kind of love where one revolves their world around the other. It's the kind of love you feel but can live without.

It didn't help that I was a child of a man who feels that a family is for show and a woman who feels her opinion doesn't matter and just agreed to what her husband says. It's safe to say, that marriage didn't last. It sealed my concept of marriage. It's just a title on a paper. A title, people cling to just to prove others their not alone.  
I was born in a house where affection goes as far as a tap on a shoulder. Where a hug is as stiff as the floorboards down the hall. Where kisses, if non-existent, are far in between. 'I miss you', 'I love you' those words are foreign for me. It rarely passes my lips.

Those reservations, those issues I had ruined those past relationships. I knew I had those problems. I just never felt the need to get pass that. Until I met you.

-  
You aren't the type of person who's overly affectionate. You aren't the type to shout your love for someone. You aren't the type to shower someone with gifts and praises. You're the subtle type. The type were sweetness comes in unexpected turns. The type were thoughtfulness are rare but shown with amplified effect and could never be forgotten. Those moments lead to my fall. Those moments slowly made prints in my ice cold heart, melting it into a puddle.

I remember the first time you held my hand. We were going to cross the street, and you just grab my hand like it was the most natural thing to do. It took you a minute to see me staring at our hands. It's not like I never held anyone's hand. With you, it just felt different.  
A sane person would drop my hand and ask what's wrong with me for looking at our hands clasp together like it was a foreign limb and just makes things awkward. But you are far from sane.  
"What? My hands are clean, if that's what you're wondering." You told me instead and didn't let go.  
From then on, everytime you catch me looking at our hands intertwined, you just give a million and one insane reasons for holding my hand.  
"I lost my gloves, warm my hand, woman."  
"I lost my stress balls, I'm making your hand a substitute."  
"There's too many people, I could get lost you know. You'll cry."  
"Hold it, if not someone will. Your lost."  
"Holding hands is a symbol of peace. I advocate world peace. You better participate."  
"I just held the filthiest rug, I'm just transferring the bacteria on you."  
Each reason never failed to amuse me. I actually look forward to those reasons. That's why I never told you that you didn't need to justify holding my hand. Cause the fact that it just felt right, is a good enough reason for me.

-  
We weren't into PDA, we both felt it's tacky. Simple touches, simple gestures comprises our moments. You love flicking and pinching my nose, and I retaliate with punching your arm.  
"You're abusive, woman." You often tell me in jest.  
I love our piggy back rides. I know you love it though you always complain.  
"Cmon, my feet hurts, carry me home." I whined and pouted one evening.  
"It's not my fault you wore a four inch stilletos knowing we're walking three blocks." You told me throwing me a look of a mom scolding a child.  
"I just wanted to look hot, it was for you, you know." I always have my way when I guiltied you.  
"You're an idiot, even if you wear those atrocious bunny slippers I'd still think your hot." Awww, you're the only one who could insult me and still be sweet at the same time.  
"Awwww, that's so cute sweetiepie." I pinched your cheeks. You just scowled hating the nickname and calling you out on being a softie.  
"You're so annoying. Just hop on." I need not to be told twice and hopped on your back squealing.  
"AHH, you're gonna bust my eardrums with all that squeaking. You better cook me dinner for a whole week okay. This isn't free. If I have to carry your fat ass, the meal better be worth it." You said trying to be threatening.  
"Of course, honeybunch. Your the best, schnookums. Giddy Yup!" I said slapping your behind like a horse and kissed your temple.  
"God, you're irritating. Stop with the names already." You weren't irritated, you were blushing and smiling. The rare times I show affection never fails to make you blush. Those moments are precious for me.

-  
Our first months weren't perfect. We're both stubborn and have strong opinions. there were fights, arguments. there was one fight that lead to a break up. But we pulled through. We stayed together because we realized we made sense. We're good together. We both thought that something this good and special is just too damn hard to give up.

There were times when my insecurities would surface. I knew I was falling hard. It scared me shitless. To need someone as much as I need you. I knew you love me, I just fear that you don't love me as much as I do. How could you? I'm broken.

"You think we'll last?" I asked you one time while we were just sitting in my balcony watching the sun set. It was one of those rare moments when I feel like voicing my thoughts.  
"What's with the sentimental questioning?" I rolled my eyes at your typical response and smirking face.  
"Okay, just forget about it." I was annoyed. I hate putting myself out there, and for you not to take it seriously doesn't really make me happy.  
"Hey, when do you think the sun will stop shining?" You asked me, as if it wasn't the most ridiculous question I've ever heard.  
"Uhm, never? What's with the absurd questioning?" I threw back at you. i'm still annoyed and yet your turning this conversation into a whole new level of strangeness.  
"Good. Cause that's the only time when I'll stop annoying you, giving you piggy back rides and holding your hand." Only you can turn my frown to a smile in a heartbeat. With those words you tightened your hold on me. As if you're too afraid to let go. Maybe you needed me as much as I needed you.

At that moment, I saw a future with you by my side. Along with gray hairs, wrinkles and walking canes. At that moment, I started to believe in forever.

-  
I've always thought it was pathetic to base one's happiness on someone. But again, it was you who made me change my views on things and made me believe in things I never thought of believing. You just knew how to crumble the walls I've painstakingly build around myself. You made me happy. You were perfect. Until you were not.

'She came back.' I never knew heartbreak until that moment. It made sense. For the whole week, you were distant. At first I thought you were just busy. But when fewer texts were exchanged and when dinners were canceled, that's when I knew something was wrong. You were cold. Now I know why.  
She's back.

You told me once, there were only two people you've ever loved. Her and me. You told me all about her. How you two are the best of friends who turned into so much more. She's your first everything. But she left you. You told me it was the most painful thing you've experienced. But then I came into your life and make that pain disappear. I asked you if I should be worried. You told me, I shouldn't be cause she's gone. She's not coming back. She's your past and I'm your present. I never knew that past would haunt us.

'And she wants me back.' You can't even look me in the eyes while telling me this.  
'You told me she wasn't coming back. And why does it matter that she wants you back? It shouldn't matter cause you're with me, right? You told me she's your past. Why can't she remain in the past?' I hate the desperation in my voice. I hate the pain that slowly creeping in my chest. I hate that I'm still hoping that the next words you'll say are the things I wanted to hear.  
'I'm sorry.' It was the furthest thing I wanted to hear.  
'That's the last thing I need from you. Don't be sorry. I don't need an apology. I need you to choose me. God! She left you! She hurt you! Now she's back and you come crawling back to her? How about me?! Tell me, how about me?' I hate showing vulnerability but this time I can't help the tears from streaming down my face. It hurts so damn much.  
'I'm sorry. I never meant for this to happen. . I love you. Don't ever doubt that I love you. What we had was real. I didn't know she'll be back. I know it's not an excuse but it's her. I know there's nothing I can say to make things better. You deserve so much better. Please believe me when I say I never meant to hurt you.'  
'But you are hurting me. You say you love me yet your choosing her.' I laughed bitterly.  
'I'm so-'  
'Stop apologizing. Stop telling me I deserve better. It doesn't make any difference. It doesn't make it easier. It doesn't make it hurt less. I want you to tell me it's me you wanted to be with. That you love me more. That I'm enough. But I don't always get what I want. I guess that includes you.'

I didn't know happiness have an expiration date. I got mine for a year and now it's over. Pain. Heartache. That's what's left. It was a bitter ending. Maybe it was always you and her. Maybe it wasn't meant to be you and me. But I still think what we had was special. I just wish it didn't end so soon. I just wish it didn't end.

'I guess I didn't have to wait for the sun to stop shining for you to stop holding my hand. For you to stop loving me.'


End file.
